Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.

Renaissance Man

“Lucille said she is going to mold Gary into the kind of man she could really love.”

Did my friend really believe I said that when Gary and I got engaged? She either didn’t really know me – or she’s simply a bitch. That said, I’ve often said it’s a mistake to think you can change someone after you marry them. However. . . sometimes, you can, according to the latest issue of O. It’s called the “Michelangelo Phenomenon” and, apparently, you can sculpt them into. . . the kind of man you can really love!

Actually, it’s a little more complicated (and less Machiavellian) than it sounds. But it made me think about how we all fantasize about the things we’d like to change about our partners. And it made me go out and buy Gary four pairs of jeans.

Yes, there are things I’d love to change about him (though Camille keeps telling me it’s a lost cause). And I think “If I buy him new jeans and throw out the old ones, he won’t look like a bum.” But then he wears them to mow the lawn, rips them, gets oil on them and we’re back to square one.

But I can try, can’t I? Shouldn’t I? He likes looking good; he just doesn’t want to make the effort or spend the money or make the decisions (“These pants I wore for the past week are on the chair. I’ll wear them again!”). Is it so much to ask that he throws his shirt in the wash after he gets tomato sauce on it? Is it unfair to expect clothes with holes in them be considered rags, not holiday wear?

Or am I trying to mold him into the kind of man I can really love?

As if.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, March 23rd, 2010 at 6:58 PM and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Marie says:

    I’ve never heard about this phenomenon but marriage I thought was about togetherness and companionship I didn’t get that instead I was left alone and feeling left out. I didn’t try to change him and I lost him to another. Lesson learned, but I think people have to want to change in order for success otherwise its fruitless.

  2. Camille says:

    It’s a lost cause. How long have you been married?

  3. terri says:

    We know logically, that it’s impossible for them to change. That if we just resign ourselves to the fact that they are what they are and the sooner we realize that and just accept it, the easier our lives will be. Unfortunately, we are woman, and we don’t. We continue to try to change them. I’ve been trying for 13 years. I keep thinking I will wear him down eventually, but nope! He just digs his heels in deeper! LOL Stubborn!

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