Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.

I Regret to Inform You

Growing up, every little girl has at least one baby doll she can love and nurture. Besides being just another toy, the baby doll is often the beginning of her training for motherhood. As adults, millions of women give birth and thousands and thousands more desperately try to. But many, many women never conceive and many never even try. They are told, again and again, that being childless (or, more starkly, “barren”) will burden them with regrets forever.

I’m still waiting for those regrets.

You may not want to believe me, but there actually are plenty of women, like me, who don’t plan or want or need to have children. That biological imperative that Marissa Tomei stomped out in My Cousin Vinnie doesn’t tick tock for all of us.

Liar! Blasphemer! Every single women alive has the urge to parent, to procreate, to propagate!

Except they don’t. Millions of women around the world actually choose to remain childless. Or, as I put it, free from added responsibility. Or free to go on vacation on a whim. Or free to sleep late, stay out past 1 am, forego cooking, buy embarrassingly expensive shoes or have loud, uninhibited sex without a second thought (income and willing partner availability permitting).

We like the idea that we don’t have to go into debt. We enjoy having disposable income. We relish having time to selfishly spend with our partners. We revel in the reality that we don’t have to put aside our hopes and dreams while we worry about the lives our kids lead.

And, yes, many, many women have a real urge to reproduce. And they and their partners cherish untold joys and many, many benefits from parenthood. Good for them.

But don’t assume your own desires and parental enjoyment are universal and that every non-parent is suffering from deep regret.

As I lounge on my couch, naked and financially secure, I assure you, we are not.

Tags: , , , , , , ,

This entry was posted on Wednesday, November 14th, 2018 at 3:30 PM and is filed under Family. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Michael Terzano says:

    I agree Lucille. Especially in cases where the woman’s husband is like a permanent child who needs babying & mothering all-the-time. Like with me and Gary! LOL

  2. Terri Miller says:

    I always wanted kids but that doesn’t mean I should project my wants on every other woman on the planet. To each her own. And that goes for everyone who isn’t you and severy aspect of their life. If it’s not you it’s mine of your business. I know plenty of women, including you, who arw perfectly content

  3. Judy Herring says:

    I met Lucille at Newark Airport in 1984 on our way to Memphis, TN for training at Federal Express (now FedEx). We instantly became friends. On the flight, she was sitting a few rows back and happen to have a vacant seat next to her. I immediately sat next to her due to the fact I needed to change my seat (long story) and this was way before tight security when flying. We just clicked…as we got to know one another I relished her sense of humor because we were both on the same page in that area. As time went on, my husband at the time and I started trying for a baby. It took us several months and I would tell her my frustrations. She was understanding of my desire to have a child, but at the same time she confided in me about her not having a “need” for children. That stuck with me all these years. One of my daughters isn’t sure if she wants to have children and I always tell her it is her choice. If she doesn’t feel the “need” that’s perfectly alright. Thank you, Lucille! There so too many people who have children that shouldn’t be parents. There are way too many children who are born to parents who cannot handle being parents. For me…having my two girls has been a blessing. But, I respect those who choose not to have children. Raising a child is the greatest responsibility a human being can undertake – hands down. And, it’s not for everyone. There is nothing wrong with wanting to maintain one’s independence, freedom and financial security. As Lucille told me….it comes down to having a need or not having a need.

Leave a Reply

Feed Shark