Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.

What a Crop

Okay. I am officially asking everyone I know to STOP talking to me about Tiger Woods and his extramarital fornicating. Enough, already.  Why do we have to listen to this story, over and over?  How many women have come forward? How hard his wife actually hit him? Was his wife really a cocktail waitress when they met? Don’t we  have our own sad, lurid stories? After all, haven’t we all been bamboozled by a man at least once in our lives?

Technically, a woman can’t be cuckold because the term has something to do with a cuckoo laying its egg in another bird’s nest and, apparently, since we’re the ones with eggs,  only men earn the stigma of cuckoldry. So, in honor of Tiger’s hanky panky, I’ve come up with my own term for male infidelity. No, I won’t say “Tigered” because that is just way too obvious. We’ll say that women in this position have been Farmer Johned – that is, their man has been “seeding” where he shouldn’t be. P____  planting? Whatever.

So, whom amongst us hasn’t been Johnnyed? Once? Twice?? Serially? And, how many of us really should have known better? You know what I mean; all the signs were there; everything about the relationship was telling us something was wrong, but we chose to ignore the obvious, right? True, there are probably one or two examples of true bamboozlement, but let’s be honest: most of the times, we should have known it was coming.

Not to say that absolves the bastards. Far from it. I’d be first in line to cheer Elena Bobbit for doing what the rest of us have only dreamt of. No, I’m saying we have to look at ourselves and wonder why we’re willing to be in that position in the first place and, once we have been Johnnyed, why we let it happen again and again.

First, there’s the “he’s going to break up with her anyway and this puts me first in line” train of thought. Just saying it out loud makes you cringe, doesn’t it? But lots of us have been there. Yes, David, I’m talking about David Bolling. Creep. Dirtbag. Farmer John.

Or there’s the “I don’t think he has a girlfriend, but I won’t ask because I really don’t want to know” school of thought. That really works. It’s how I got my heart broken in college by DW when I showed up in his dorm room, unannounced (the day after the surprise birthday party I’d given for him), and found another woman’s 5 x 7 picture prominently displayed over his bed. And, to make matters worse, when he broke it off with me (Yes; he broke it off!), it was for another woman. Is it any wonder it’s taken me over 30 years to forgive him? And myself?

Of course, there is the “I don’t mind being the other woman” strategy, which almost never works out. Though, when Ron K. tried to suggest he wasn’t really in a committed relationship with someone else, just dating, I  showed up at his apartment uninvited and really enjoyed watching him sweat. Sweet.

But, really, every one of those situations were at least partially my fault. I knew or should have known better; if I’d had any smarts, I would have avoided these Farmer John’s like the plague. The last guy was in a relationship with someone he said he didn’t love. Ever heard that before? At least that time I told him we were over unless he broke up with her.

Luckily, Gary saw the light.

Tags: , , , ,

This entry was posted on Saturday, January 2nd, 2010 at 4:13 PM and is filed under My Pet Peeves. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. David Alexander says:

    I’m going to tread carefully on some of your post, because I was around for some of the events you mention. I mentioned in the Tiger Woods post I sent out soon after the initial event that we would be talking about this for some time. I’m sure some folks who check this blog regularly had at least one conversation over the holiday season about the Woods incident. The media is certainly doing their part, but there’s more to it than that.

    Regarding “Farmer John’s”, yes they are certainly out there. But they will only get away with what a woman will let them get away with. You describe a number of scenarios where a woman willfully leaves common sense at the door, and chooses to believe some far-fetched, half-assed story that FJ comes up with, often on the fly. Yes, he may have been wrong — but there are some guys who will continue to look for fields to plant their seeds. The reality is there is no shortage of FJ’s as long as there is no shortage of fields.

  2. Patrice says:

    As much as I hate to say it…you are sooo right. If women would stop ALLOWING men to do this, it couldn’t happen. I happen to have a friend who only dates men who aren’t available. THAT PISSES ME OFF. Yea, I’ve been on the shitend of that…I saw the signs…the cell on vibrate under the pillow; the “I’m going to walk the dog” when he never did it before; the request to show him how to text (in the past I was mocked for texting); the change in sex (yea, ladies..don’t believe he’s been watching porno and wanted to try something new…he learned it in someone else’s bed); the business trip and the hotel room phone on “private” (WTF)..It does take 2 to tango…so can’t just blame the man because some women allow him to plant his P.

  3. Susan says:

    Thank you Charlie Sheen

  4. Capt. Fred says:

    If Tiger Woods wasn’t a billionaire, do you really think he could bed all those women. It’s not about infidelity or golf, it’s about money. In my opinion, these women weren’t being used — they were gold digging.

  5. john says:

    If tiger wasnt a billionaire we would not care what he did or who he did. Farmer Johnny seeding is the reason marriage was invented or we would have whole bunch more children who never knew their fathers like on Maury. Monogamy can be good or it can be Hell, it depends on who you are with.
    I unnderstand Infidelity. I only wonder why Tiger married this woman in the first place.

Leave a Reply

Feed Shark