Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.

Wanted: One More Thrill

What’s the deal with ex-boyfriends? We all have at least a few. But how do you deal with an ex,  when he contacts you out of the blue?

There have been times that I immediately revert to when we were a couple and it takes me at least a few minutes to pull myself back to the present.  Usually, whatever the issues were that broke us up really don’t matter anymore. But there is always at least one who can throw you for a loop.  So, when I got a call a couple of years ago from my first-year-in-college love (Yes; the one to whom I was engaged and who convinced me to leave college and move in with his family), I panicked. You see, even though I have stayed friends with most of my ex’s, this one I spent months trying to shake. No; he wasn’t a stalker (at least I don’t think he was. . . ), but he had so thoroughly Svengalied me that for months I was afraid if I spoke to or saw him, he’d be able to pull me back into a very unhealthy, controlling, potentially abusive relationship.

Yes; like most 19 year-olds, even I, little Miss Take-Me-or-Leave-Me was a classic Stepford Wife (ask my counterpart, Dave, who can give you the gory details). So, when I answered his call, my first thought was “Oh, no! He found me!” before I registered that he no longer had any power over me. But that first 30 seconds. . . gulp!

I mention this ex-fiance (yes; I was actually planning on marrying him) because, other than this guy (who spent most of the conversation telling me how he planned to be divorced, blah blah blah), I’ve stayed friends with most of my ex’s. Do some of them carry a torch? I hope so. But mostly, we’re simply old friends and the fact that they’ve known me so long means that our friendships are somewhat deeper or stronger than you might expect.

So, tell me: do you ever hear from old boyfriends? Do you look for them on FaceBook or other social networking sites? How many times have you Googled to find one? Is your husband/partner jealous? Do you find it strange that I email/call/visit with guys I dated in high school?

And, when you see them. do you always find the thrill is gone?

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This entry was posted on Monday, August 31st, 2009 at 11:13 PM and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Terri says:

    I also, always stayed friends with the ex’s, but have lost track of most of them now. I am still friends with my 1st love from high school. He moved to California with his family after he graduated. I was going into my senior year–of course I dumped him! My mom and sisters loved him, so were very upset with me. I, of course, was not going to be tied down to someone 3000 miles away my senior year in high school. I moved on quickly and was totally enthralled with a lifeguard at the beach where I worked! He’s the one that can still make me tongue tied and trip over myself if I run into him. Doesn’t help that he gets better looking with age–damn him! As for my first true love, I went to his wedding when he got married. Still kinda mad at him that he didn’t make it to mine. He isn’t on Facebook, but his daughter and brother are, both of whom are my “friends”. I have googled or looked for some of my ex’s, more outta curiosity than anything else–although there aren’t that many of them. I wouldn’t mind seeing a few of them again–and some I do from time to time–as long as they don’t catch me when I just ran out for a short errand and I have on sweats, no makeup, and my hair is a mess. Because, no matter what, you always want to look your best when you run in to an ex. I don’t know why, you just do!

  2. Donna says:

    What works for me….Photoshop!

  3. J R Petraglia says:

    After my husband died, I searched the internet for an old boyfriend whom I hadn’t seen in about a million years. Although he was always the love of my life, we went our separate ways for a lot of really stupid reasons. Shortly after reconnecting with him, I married him. Sometimes your old love just never dies.

  4. Judy says:

    Recently, I thought about my first “true love”, my high school boyfriend because my oldest daughter just broke up with her first “true love”. As we were sitting at a restaurant, Cathy was sharing her feelings with me, and I could easily empathize with her. I told her that no matter what happened, no matter what the circumstances of the break up were, she will always, always remember her first love. As I think back on Mark, a soft smile comes to my face and I’m so glad I have those memories to look back on. I have not tried to contact any ex-boyfriends nor have they contacted me – I think it might be better that way.

  5. Debby says:

    I was contacted by my 7th grade boyfriend through classmates. Whoa, that was very funny. As far as “high school” boyfriend, yes, I only had one….we still see each other from time to time. It is kind of funny, though, because his wife is “jealous” of me….I can hardly believe that one. We broke up after my first year of college so that has been so long ago. Yes, I knew his wife in high school and she knew us as a couple, but come on…..The old guys are kind of fun to think about, though. Here is a story, I have a friend who contacted or was contacted, she will never tell, by her 9th grade boyfriend recently and they are now married…that is kind of cool.

  6. john says:

    I have 1 ex that would be able to do damage to my mind if she called. I was 16 and in love although I didnt know at the time, typical immature romance, I broke up with her but remained friend for several years after, lost track of her when I was 21 or so, checked google found an email address for her and exchanged a few emails, then she disappeared again, unfortunately the last thing was an obituary I saw during lunch she had been battling kidney cancer and did not know. I still think of her

  7. Tony says:

    Although I had many many many girlfriends (my father tells me I’m lucky or WAS lucky), I was never in love with any of them. That is sad when you think of it, because the converse I don’t believe to be true, that is really really really sad. I have searched out and found many of these “ex’s” if only to trade a few stories and share a few current events. I still like them all. There are 2 however that seem to “stick out” in my memory however; no, wasn’t in love with them, but they were fantastically gorgeous! – one of them still is!!! at 45!! she looks every bit of 27… how is that possible? going on – I’m not the jealous type and that has been the cause for alot of heartache on all of my ex’s parts. I really was terrible I think… any girl that dared try to “make me jealous” always got a really bad case of “OH WELL, THAT BACKFIRED” – i’m sorry to all of you. YOu know who you are.

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