Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.

The Road to Nowhere

I’m at the stage in my life where I’m pretty comfortable with who I am – unlike in my 20’s when a night out involved serious planning for wardrobe, makeup, hair and attitude. Now, while I put thought into those things, they aren’t something for me to obsess over any more.

I’ll never forget when I was planning a trip in my 20s to Club Med with my friend, Maggie. All I kept thinking about in the weeks leading up to it was would I look good enough compared to the other women? did I have the perfect hair style? did I have enough incredibly cute beach cover ups? would I come across as “cool” enough?

Jeez! I spent so much time worrying about stupid stuff like that that I’m amazed I actually enjoyed myself.

But, here is my dilemma. I don’t want to spend the time and effort I did back then. . . .but, now I need to pay more attention to how I look because I don’t have the perfect 36-24-36 body I had then – nor that gorgeous, poreless skin. I can’t just grab anything out of my closet and know it will look great; I can’t just wash my face and run, either, if you know what I mean. Grrrrrrrr!

So what do I – we – do now?

First order of business: go through my closets and drawers and try stuff on – in front of a mirror. If possible, have a friend there who will be honest and, if she can’t be, have her take pictures of me. Want to have a real epiphany? Look at those pictures after a day or two and then tell me you didn’t throw out half your wardrobe.

Here’s where you need to be brutal with yourself. If you saw someone else – your age and shape – walking down the street in that white spandex mini dress, what would be going through your mind? If it isn’t “boy, she’s hot,” take it off, fold it up and bag it for your favorite charity. You’ll be doing yourself a favor.

Knit top that accentuates the fat rolls on your back? Ugh.

Too short skirt that exposes your cellulite? Eeek.

Sleeveless top that uncovers an indecent amount of armpit flab? Yuck.

Now, it isn’t just about fat or flab; you could be trim and tight . . . but, honey, no one is going to believe you’re 22 anymore, so don’t try to pretend. If you look like a young chick from behind but not from the front, that’s false advertising and it isn’t going to win you any prizes. At best, you’ll illicit disappointment; at worst, disgust. Take my word for it.

And you know what I mean – you’ve seen women like that. Some of them get the plastic surgery and the Botox. But unless they’re springing for a complete makeover, head to toe, there are going to be telltale spots they can’t hide. I saw a local businesswoman – who will remain nameless – who obviously had a great deal of face work done. Smooth skin, plump lips. But she had a dowager’s hump. She was obviously well over 50. And she looked pathetic.

Get your eyes done, and your lips still look old. Get your lips done and your cheeks are still wrinkled. Get the face lift and the neck rings give you away. Neck, elbows, knees. Dead giveaways.Take a look at Joan Rivers and see what I mean. Does anyone think she looks good?

I’m not saying to just let yourself go, but do it with pride and grace. That’s the decision I’ve come to. Figure out what styles look good on me. Moisturize, drink lots of water, only wash my face once a day. (I’ll start posting products that I’ve used or heard about from others that help maintain your looks). But, as they say in Oz, you’re not inĀ  Kansas anymore and there’s no wizard in the world who can bring work that kind of magic.

But, who needs him?

This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 24th, 2009 at 11:30 PM and is filed under Grooming. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Patti Baxter says:

    Wow, Lucille. Hey BABE!
    This is the first chance i’ve had to log into your new site, and all i can say is WOW!

    Kudos to you. Thanks for putting the time and words into what we all know – or at least need to admit we know. I hope this goes viral and huge for you!

    Great picture, BTW. Don’t try to deny that BABE-dom!

  2. Melissa says:

    I know what you mean… but I still think we look a helluva LOT better than most women our age!!!!

  3. Camille says:

    WOW! I didn’t realize how perfect you were in your 20’s…maybe it’s time for a memory reality check. Yes, you certainly looked great-but perfect? I’m afraid this entry makes you come off as arrogant about your younger self. We ALL looked better in our 20’s…Sorry, Lucille…this one gets thumbs down from me.

  4. Patrice says:

    I, personally, don’t care what anyone thinks about the way I dress. I wish I had the self confidence many “heavier” women have who wear today’s styles and feel good about themselves. Yea, hell, I’m jealous. Wish when I looked in the mirror I didn’t hone in on the “ugly” parts. Was told about an excersize all women should do..stand in front of your full length mirror naked for 5 minutes. Look for your positivess. I try not to look at other’s flaws but at their beauty (whether inside or out)..Maybe I’m getting like my mother who sees only beauty in everyone.

    Afraid the next post will be about women our age who are large busted, too…guess you can find something ugly about that subject too…

    Yea, I have excess armpit fat–and I will wear my tank tops, etc…why should I have to suffer in the heat because another isn’t impressed with my clothing. Sorry, beauty isn’t in the clothes, but in person…from a happy, fat over 40 BABE (and cougar)…SNAP
    oh, yea, I used the teen lingo too..hard not to with 2 teenagers in the house … sometimes the only way to communicate. Maybe a new blog labeled “beyond mom-dom” is in order..LOL

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