Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.


We all know some – people who are Semi-Sociopath-Like or SSL (a term I’ve coined). They’re cold; they don’t care about your feelings (remember Hall & Oats’ Rich Girl? “It’s so easy to hurt others when you can’t feel pain”). They hurt us. And they don’t seem to care. They’re just numb. But, what makes they different from actual sociopaths?  Sociopaths pretend they have feelings, which makes them able to manipulate us (think Ted Bundy). If you’re semi-sociopath-like you actually have feelings, but pretend you don’t. They’re buried so deeply that you can’t get in touch with them – because you don’t want to. And after awhile, if you bury them for long enough, you just can’t. We call these people cold or repressed or simply f*cked up.  Maybe it’s because their parents withheld from them; maybe because someone broke their heart. Maybe they never got a Barbie doll growing up (though that particular hurt didn’t permanently scar me). Whatever the reason, I just want them to stay away from me. Oh, and I really don’t want to be friends with sociopaths, either, but who does? But, getting back to SSLs. At one point or another, we’ve all crossed paths with them and maybe even been accused of being one ourselves. I was once called a “God forsaken bitch” by Jerry Someone after I finally agreed to have sex with him (and then discovered he was still a virgin). I ended up not really being interested in him and tried to tell him nicely that it just wasn’t going to work. Then I got the letter.  A God forsaken bitch? Really? Boy, did he have a lot to learn about life. How do you know a real SSL when you see one? Well, if you’re a woman over 40 (or a man, for that matter) who doesn’t call her parents or siblings for months or years – when they’ve done nothing to deserve being snubbed – you’re SSL. If you can’t cry when someone you really care about dies, you’re probably SSL. And if you have trouble enjoying anything, you’re SSL – and probably clinically depressed. Is there a cure for being SSL? Maybe you should give them a hefty, figurative slap across the face. Tell them how what they do has hurt you. Tell them not feeling anything is worse than occasionally feeling pain (like the pain of losing a dog is mitigated by all the pleasure they’ve given you). But don’t expect it to work. Probably, they’ll apologize, admit you’re right, and keep on doing it. But when your sister or friend or co-worker says that,  imagine Hitler saying, “Gee, you’re right; killing all those Jews was really, really bad.I think about what you said the next time I get the urge. ”

Then decide if you believe them.

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This entry was posted on Sunday, February 27th, 2011 at 12:52 PM and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Judy Herring says:

    I have met people like this, and I have even gotten involved with people like this. Initially, they come across as kind, loving people. But, over time (when their “real” personality comes out) you see them for who they truly are. It’s sort of like a Dr. Jeckel and Mr. Hide scenerio. I think it is a real personality disorder probably due to several issues. You mentioned not being loved by a parent – true, not getting a Barbie doll or Tonka truck – true. SInce they never got what they feel they should have received as a child, they try to control everyone in their lives when they become adults. They think they are owed something by the world and the people around them. They justify their behavior by manipulating what others say and do as being bad, meaning it’s always someone’s else’s fault, never their own. They are insecure people. Sadly, they hurt the people who try to help them by being their friends. HOwever, the people who do get involved with them are also insecure, not at their level, but insecure nonetheless. I call that the Knight in Shining armor syndrome, which by the way NEVER WORKS!!! We recently had an incident here in Arizona about a Senator who was involved in an incident the other night with his girlfriend. The car he was driving was stopped on the side of the highway and the police were called by passers by because they saw him (the senator) pulling a woman out of the car. The police stated there was domestic violence sited. Various stories are still surfacing, but the Senator pulled his get out of jail card and stated he cannot be arrested because he is in session and the girl gets arrested, spends 17 hours in jail and walks out with brusies all over her torsoe. He said she hit him, and was abusive to him. He said she was mad at him for spending too much attention to another woman at the fund raiser they just attended. In yesterday’s paper, he basically threw her under the bus. He was involved in a domestic violence case four years ago with his ex-wife. HMMMMM…Thankfully, she broke up with him over the weekend!!

  2. Judy Herring says:

    I wanted to provide all with an update on the senator – in today’s paper it was stated he is being brought up on domestiv voilence charges. After police investigations and eye witnesses who saw what happened on the side of the highway, there is enough evidence!! The truth always prevails!!

  3. Barry Jay says:

    This was a good one. Good job there Lucille. Certainly thought prevoking!

  4. Disappointed says:

    You should never slap a depressed person. Don’t be ignorant.

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