Beyond Babedom

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Safe Cheating

I confess. I have lusted in my heart. I’m not talking about the Denzel-Washington-free-pass kind of lusting. I’m talking about the my-heart-is-pounding kind of lusting. It happens when we’re in the inevitable low points in our relationships (you know what I’m talking about, ladies), but it also happens without warning: that simply sexy co-worker that you deal with every day or the client who takes your breath away or the brother of a friend that you constantly cross paths with. Some guys just turn you on.

And you start thinking: what if? You remember the fun and sensuality of falling for someone. The anticipation. The tingling you feel when your hands accidentally touch. The hot sex that could be. But for those who take the plunge (which, by the way, I never have), how many think about the day after that tantalizing, stimulating dalliance?

Because that’s what it’s really all about. The day after. The week after. The year after. Sure, a romantic liaison seems really sexy and appealing. But I wonder if the cheaters among us ever think about the after.

After you finish doing the dirty and you go home. After you lied about where you were, what you’ve been doing, why you’re late. After you almost call your partner by your lover’s name. After you get caught.

Not so much fun, huh?

So, I suggest safe cheating. It’s having the excitement, the heart-pounding, the anticipation. And not doing anything about it. Because you have to admit: even when you were younger and dating, did reality ever match your expectations? We’ve all had enough disappointments to know that our imaginations are almost always better than actuality. How many affairs ever turn out as well as Prince Charles and Camilla? (I can’t tell you how many fantasy lovers eventually revealed themselves to be insipid, distasteful and just plain yucky.). But, when we never act on our fantasies, they remain as hot as ever.

So, I’ll keep lusting in my heart. It’s fun, it’s legal and I don’t have to waste money on condoms.

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This entry was posted on Friday, December 17th, 2010 at 11:54 AM and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Kathy says:

    Wow most people talk about baking holiday cookies and wrapping presents this time of year. You go right to lust!

    I am sure you have given your audience some good pointers on what to expect if they get tipsy and think about getting frisky.

    Got to go. I am baking cookies right now……..

  2. buzz says:

    i have some thoughts on this, but to report them, would exose too many things. let’s just say this is a topic with which i am familiar.

    there are several points of view. there’s the “life is too short” crowd that says why waste a good opportunity. there’s the”man’s gotta’ do what a man’s gotta’ do” group. there are women who are tired of being played and want to see what it’s like to do the “playing. in the end, it comes down to one’s relationship with God.

    it happens. is it right? for me… no. would i do it… i have four cardinal principles: the first one is “no wives.” i am not perfect. i’ll leave it there.

  3. John M says:

    Ok, the secrets out. I know it was me, wasn’t it, huh, huh.

  4. Bud from Bayonne says:

    Hello Lulu,

    I understand your point about the negative aspects of cheating. The problem is that “sometimes” it becomes necessary when things get “really bad”. When there isn’t any communication between either of you, be it mutual or only one sided. It’s a living nightmare that needs temporary resolution. That is a very difficult decision to make,……I know from experience.
    It’s not something that I wanted to do, but after such a long dry spell the alternative just doesn’t take the place of the real thing. “Mary Palm” and her “five sisters” become a routine that “almost” goes unappreciated. Luckily men are always going to be able to rely on them, in spite of the fact that they are considering a “Restraining Order”!
    When the decision to cheat is made it isn’t done with the intention of getting caught! The idea is to do it and get away with it. Thus making it worth it. At least that’s the mind set leading up to it. It’s all about the “state of mind” which is what brings us to that point.
    You have to decide to pursue the resolution as much as the alernative. Try and repair the relationship or “jump ship”! Everything in life is a choice. In this case as in all other cases you either talk yourself into it, or you talk yourself out of it.
    You have to decide wether or not you’ve invested enough or toooooo much! Sometimes some things break and they can’t be fixed. That’s the sad part of it. The person that was once everything in the world to you, now becomes the one and only thing that sickens you more than anything else in the entire planet. It’s a sad state of affairs, yet a fact of life.
    So instead of getting involved with someone who is going to talk about it, leading to the discovery that you’re cheating, it’s better to rely on the experience of a professional. Your local “Massage Parlor” will relieve you of the tensions of everyday life with a “rub and a tug”, then wash it all off with a “table shower”! You get dressed,
    give the masseur/masseuse a nice tip (so they remember you the next time… know there will be a next time!), get in your car and drive off with a grin on your face (not to big).
    That episode will tie you over till you either resolve the problem, or till you get enough money that your partner doesn’t know you have, so you can return once again to your neighborhood establishment. Just remember that, “what’s good for the goose, is good for the gander”!
    My choice is to discuss the matter and make every attempt to return marital bliss to the household…….but when all else fails give Suzie (guys, you know that they all have the same name) a call and book the earliest session possible, before she discovers that I’m gone!!!
    Life goes on and hopefully we can all fulfill our commitments?

    “Bud from Bayonne”

  5. Tony says:

    I’m gonna say that guys have an entirely different take on this; as do I. I think everyone needs to flirt and to step outside of their relationship even if it happens only once in your life. Can you really NOT keep a secret for the rest of your life? That one person that you dream about, fantasize about, envision yourself embraced with. . . . if only they share the same fantasy! Lo and behold perhaps they do! Why should you BOTH deprive yourself? Will the world end? Will it be such a detriment to your own trust that it will forever crush your self respect? I think not.

    I believe this is one of the main reasons women age faster than men… they suppress so much that it actually wrinkles their skin and makes their necks baggy!

    Go forth and grab that hot dude thats been on your mind for ages… when you give him that little kiss hello, make it linger just long enough to let him know there are possibilities…. you’re both adults, you know its not going to be long-lasting. Why, you could turn the entire evening around by just slipping the velvety tip of your tongue into his mouth . . . . forget the goddamed business meeting and go get a couple drinks and head to the nearest luxury hotel and have at it like 2 19 year olds in the back seat of dads car.

    After all. . . . I have.

  6. Pat says:

    A man, or woman for that matter, are only as good as their word. There’s nothing wrong with looking, as long as you don’t touch. You might be married, but you’re not dead! But when it goes further it can tear lives apart. Everyone has their own feelings on the matter, but I think that when trust goes out the window all that is left is an empty heart.

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