Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.


I get passive-aggressive. But what is it called when you know why you’re doing something truly annoying, but you do it anyway? I call it passive-aggressive-aggressive.

The textbook definition of passive-aggressive behavior is a “pervasive pattern of passive resistance to demands for adequate social and occupational performance.”¬† You know; the guy who thinks he shouldn’t have to make the bed, so he does it wrong every time¬† so his wife will just do it herself. Or the woman who just can’t remember which day is garbage day. Instead of just telling him “It’s your job to put out the garbage, so don’t expect me to”, she just puts on the P-A hat and pretends she is incapable of recalling (and, no, Gary; I really can’t remember).

We’ve been accused of passive-aggressive behavior ad nauseum (But, officer, I didn’t know that’s what “keep to the right” meant!) and, yes it works. But what about all of us who are just tired of fighting? Those of us who tell their partner that they are purposely put the dishes wrong in the dishwasher because once again he left them in the sink. To me, that is passive-aggressive-aggressive.

And, totally justified.

It’s passive-aggressive-aggressive to be too damn tired of asking him nicely to simply not put his sweaty clothes on the furniture that I throw them into the rag heap. It’s passive-aggressive-aggressive to unfalteringly refuse to pick up his favorite brand of cereal because he will not put it on the shopping list when he runs out, no matter how often I remind him. And it’s passive-aggressive-aggressive to leave obstacles on the stairs to trip him up and make him fall headlong down a steep basement flight when he consistently ignores your pleas to bring the heavy basket of wet laundry (that you really can’t handle) upstairs.

Not that I would do that, But is there anything really wrong with that? There is nothing wrong or obsessive-compulsive or control-freakish about wanting things done right and done now!

And why would anyone have a problem with that?

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This entry was posted on Saturday, May 29th, 2010 at 11:43 AM and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Kirk Shorte says:

    Hmmm publicly announcing the stairwell prank will get you arrested… LOL!!

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