Beyond Babedom

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My Sex Life, Oreo Cookies and Hot Flashes

My friend, Jon Weinstein, shares his unique perspective on menopause

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bald guy head on fireFor those of you that don’t know me, I’m 6’ tall, have long wavy brown hair, I’m known around town as “that cool guy” and can usually be found in the presence of a beautiful blond.
For those of you who do know me, you know that’s a lie! I’m 5’7”, bald, suffering with hot flashes and the blond I’m usually seen with is my neighbor’s golden retriever, Sidney – who is in love with my right leg and deems it necessary to demonstrate the depth of his devotion to my right leg every time he sees me.

Aside from Sidney’s amorous advances, being 5’ 7”, periodically perspiring for no apparent reason and being bald tends to preclude me from the “babe magnet” status I think I might enjoy. There isn’t much I can do about my height and the hot flashes will hopefully “burn” themselves out. However, I do have a choice when it comes to being bald – Propecia. Back in the late 1990′s Propecia was a new drug being prescribed for male pattern baldness. But there were possible side effects listed in the brochure that weren’t too thrilling: “a small number of men (2%) experienced certain sexual side effects. These men reported the following: less desire for sex…or sexual dysfunction” I knew that being one of the “small number of men” would be a large price to pay for a full head of hair. However the odds were in my favor. There was a 98% chance I could end up a 5’ 7” hairy “babe magnet” who desires sex and functions properly.

I started losing my hair when I was 18 and it seems that as my hairline got higher, the number of women I met got lower. I don’t know the exact ratio of women I haven’t met with the number of hairs lost, but last Saturday night when I was sitting home – alone – eating Oreo cookies and watching Hamlet on A&E, it sure seemed to be a significant number. “To be or not to be: that is the question.”… Oh Please! “To Propecia or not to Propecia?”… Now that’s a question! Well, instead of risking my libido I chose to stay bald, have an okay social life and risk getting fat from Saturday night Oreo binges.

The reason I’m bringing this up is, I was recently diagnosed with prostate cancer and am at a stage of treatment where it is necessary to receive hormone treatments. The irony of the whole thing is that the side effects of the hormone therapy are the same as the side effects of Propecia with hot flashes thrown in – and there’s not a new hair on my head to show for it! I’m sure Propecia is still available, but who the hell wants to be a 5′ 7″ hairy “babe magnet” with hot flashes and no libido. Patrick Henry once said, “Give me liberty or give me death!” and I’m saying, “Give me Oreos if you are going to give me hot flashes!” And speaking of Oreos, there are two schools of thought on the proper way to eat an Oreo. Some Oreo eaters (myself included) just start chomping away savoring the taste of the creamy center as it mixes with the crunchy texture of the chocolate cookies. Then there are the annoying Oreo eaters who take the time to meticulously separate the two cookies exposing the creamy center, eat the exposed creamy center and save the two chocolate cookie pieces for last…give me a break! – just eat the damn cookie.

If you choose to respond to this post, no lewd comments about Sidney and me please – he’s not my type, gender preference or species.

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This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 5th, 2013 at 9:27 AM and is filed under Health. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Judy Herring says:

    I will begin with thoughts are with you for having to deal with prostate cancer. Never an easy thing dealing with that “C” monster, but it can be conquered, so hang in there. Onto something I know all too well…hot flashes, moodiness and at times, cravings for chips and dip. You go for Oreos, I like Lays chips and onion dip! I first experienced the joys of menopause about six years ago. My Dr. explained the benefits and side effects of HRT (hormone replacement therapy) but I opted not to do that. I guess that makes me a glutton for punishment! I had visions of growing a beard, curly hair on my chest, and an Adams apple!
    However, if I was faced with cancer I would not hesitate to go with hormones. So you have thinning hair, so what? Will the hormones do strange things to your body? Probably, but so what? Now something you should be concerned about is if the hormones take away your cravings for Oreos! You may turn to the dark side and go with chips and dip – join the club Jon…it’s a great place to be!!!

  2. Jon,

    Sorry about the cancer. That really stinks. Your essay, however, is a riot. The one thing you failed to tell your readers is that you have always been handsome, hair or no hair. You’ve certainly had your share of attractive women flocking after you.

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