Beyond Babedom

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Mr. Not So Right

Yeah, we’ve all known some; those Mr. Not So Rights who make our lives miserable. But that’s not the point of this post. My goal is to make you all think about when we can’t all get Mr. Right, should we really fight to get Mr. Not So Right?  How do these relationships usually end up? They end – down.  Which is to say, not in a good way. Because “winning” anything is a really bad way to start a relationship.

Don’t believe me? If you’re in a great relationship, think back to how it started. Was it a competition? Did you have to connive to get him to make a move in the right direction? From my experience, every relationship I’ve had that started this way (or I’ve heard about from friends) usually ended badly. Why is that? I think it’s because they aren’t really based on real feelings or emotions. Or maybe it’s more accurate to say they’re based on the wrong emotions. Wrong in the sense that it’s really hard to trust someone, for example, who tricked you into making a commitment.

We’ve all heard about or know someone who thought that emotional blackmail – flirting with other guys, sleeping with other guys, getting pregnant – would be a great motivator to make Mr. Not So Right pop the question. Do these kind of relationships ever work? It makes me think about high school girls (who play these games a lot). Back in my day (oh, boy; sounding like Dad now. . . ), some girls were loose because they figured that was going to make a guy like you. Which, back then, meant you let a guy feel you up or you provided a “manual service” in the back seat of the car. Of course, today it’s more often an oral service, but I think you get my drift. Teenage girls were desperate to have a boyfriend back then and I think they still are. They just pretend they’re okay with “hooking up” instead, since unfortunately, that’s what the guys have been able to negotiate.

But let me get back to my main point; when the goal is to “win”, the result is you lose. Don’t we all know someone in that position? She fought, long and hard, to get the guy. And she got him, all right. And now she’s stuck with him: a low life, a cheater, a bum. But, hey, she won!

Here’s what I think. If a relationship doesn’t start out of mutual attraction, affection and values, it is destined for failure. Sure, if you try hard enough you might be able to get some guy to date you or even marry you. But eventually, it’s going to be a disaster. And, by this point, ladies, we all know that sometimes it’s better to be alone.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, March 7th, 2012 at 10:57 AM and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Terri says:

    Oh Lucille you are so insightful!! and oh so right! The only thing I will correct, is that the “loose” girls start in middle school now! Oh the stories I have heard! My son is in 6th grade and the girls are already so boy crazy. Most of these kids have known each other since kindergarten, so are more like brothers and sisters, but suddenly all the girls want boyfriends! My son said “Mom, I liked it better when everybody was just friends!” And the girls are already playing head games! One girl told a boy she wanted him to ask her out (where are they going?), But a bunch of other girls picked on her, so when he finally did it, she said NO! Where do they learn this from? Does it just come naturally? Why do you NEED a boyfriend? Oh the Teen years. I am dreading them. LOL

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