Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.

Get a Spanxing

Ever see a guy in our “age bracket” with his gut hanging out? How about some very obvious love handles? Lately, I’ve been suggesting that these men are prime candidates for Spanx. Little did I know, I’m not the first.

One of the largest growing clothing segments are – yes, ladies – Spanx for men! Apparently, unbeknownst to the general public, men are grabbing these gut-flatteners like they’re Super Bowl tickets. Except they are keeping it very, very quiet. Sort of on the down-low, if you know what I mean. Apparently, it’s verboten for men – who constantly complain about our vanity – to admit that they’re not only insecure about the size of their sexual organs, but preen and pirouette in secret in front of full length mirrors, fussing and fretting over how they’ll look in their newest outfit. (Don’t you just want to take that image and savor it?)

Yes, my friends. Men are every bit as vain and self conscious as we are. They’ve just done a better job of keeping it to themselves. And we’ve aided and abetted them.

How many of us tell our friends that our husbands and partners dye their rapidly-graying beards? Or resort to painful waxing? Or get manicures? (Other than me, that is) No; we acknowledge their weaknesses and foibles and grooming gambits at home, but adapt a closed-lip face to the rest of the world. because we. . . feel sorry for them? Don’t want the world to know that our man is perhaps as worried about how his hair looks as our friends are?

I say, enough is enough! Stop protecting these charlatans of stoicism and admit to the world that they are no better than us when it comes to self image. Stop pretending he wears shapewear for lumbar support! Display those boxes of Grecian Formula! Out his membership in the Hair Club for Men!

And, for God’s sake, encourage him to buy some Spanx. Even if just to make fun of him in front of his friends.

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This entry was posted on Thursday, June 3rd, 2010 at 9:36 AM and is filed under Grooming, men. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Camille says:

    I wonder if your husband discusses your support garments? Of course you shouldn’t discuss his! And I can’t believe you actually find this shocking.

  2. David Alexander says:

    This item seems to be most popular with men under 40, who have grown up in the world of high fructose corn syrup!

  3. Bob M says:

    Interesting choice of picture to go with this article. Ultimately misleading, really. I wonder what prompted the designer to use the name Spanx on her product. Is it supposed to make the posteriors of women – and I guess some men, too, according to this article – look more “spankable”?

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