Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.

Big Myth

What is the biggest myth perpetrated by men? That they love brains as much as beauty? That they are still attracted to women who beat them at tennis/golf/you name it? That they are listening?

No; the number one folk tale they love to tell is that there is such a thing as an open marriage. Oh; don’t get me wrong. There are lots of people who practice what they call open marriage. But you’re on better drugs than I’ve ever had if you believe that both parties equally want this form of wedding bliss.

When people talk about open marriage, they are referring to the ability to screw around whenever they want to. And I’m sure that there are some couples – albeit very few – who actually share the desire to be in one. But believe me when I say that in almost every case, there is one partner who is waaaaay more “into” it than the other. Some agree to it because they think it will make their partner happy and therefore make a happier marriage overall. Others do it because they feel they don’t have a choice. But how many of these couples stay together, for the long run?

I actually have some college friends who practice a form of open marriage, though as I’m typing this I’m thinking it’s more just a polygamous one: one man, two wives and scads of kids. I don’t think he’d get away with slipping his wick in even one more woman.

Have you ever observed couples who claim they’re in open marriages by mutual consent? You can always sense – and sometimes see – a real awkwardness in one of them. That slight hesitation when you ask if this is really what they want; the obvious answer when you ask who suggested it. They usually tell you they “agreed” to the arrangement, they’re “perfectly fine” with it, they actually like that they don’t have the “stress” of always wanting to perform sexually. Then they’ll tell you about the tooth fairy. No, open marriages are really just one half of the partnership wanting to fool around – or add a lesbian dimension to the marriage bed. Vote, here: how many men want to have a threesome with their wife and another woman?

All you have to do is watch HBO’s Big Love to see what I mean. Even though she wasn’t too thrilled with it, Barb went along with Bill taking Nicki as his second wife, then Margene as his third wife then. . . well, you get the idea. All to keep peace in the marriage and to keep Bill happy. And Bill keeps spouting their support for “the principle” as the reason for him having three or more women to sleep with.

Some men will say anything to have their harem.

This entry was posted on Saturday, March 12th, 2011 at 3:50 PM and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. David says:

    If you see what Bill is going through trying to keep his brood together, having a harem is more work than one would think. For most of us, living with one woman is enough work! The open marriage might seem cool from the sexual angle, but as the song goes “you’re drunk on love, but you got to sober up sometime.”

    Our college friend seems to be the exception to the rule. But how often over the years do you think he’s been on the wrong side of a 2-1 vote?

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