Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.

Are you a Cougar?

Here’s my very first blog post from June 6, 2009, republished for all you new readers:

Yow! Yippie! Hip Hip Hooray! I’m finally launching this blog. . . .it’s about time, right?

Well, let me get started on a subject that I’ve had on my mind: the term “cougar.”

Who came up with this unflattering description of a woman dating a younger man? I’d bet a million it wasn’t one of us. When I’ve suggested that this phrase is hostile toward women, I’m reminded by chuckling men (and women as well) that old men who date young women are called “leches” or “geezers” or “dirty old men” so . . . why am I complaining?

Here’s why: a man is only called a lech (short for lecher) or a dirty old man if there is a significant age difference (and those phrases still refer to humans, not animals). You never hear that phrase used when a 40 year old man is dating a 30 year old woman or when 60 year old men date women in their 50’s. No, these guys are usually called. . . divorced. Or Don Juans, Casanovas, or, at worst, women chasers. Makes them sound sort of romantic.

But what are we named after? A treacherous animal! Yes, because women are soooooo dangerous. Tell me – who are the murderers? The genocidal maniacs? Who starts all the wars and who goes to extreme sport matches and dog fights? Who leaves cabinets and drawers open? (Yeah, I know that has absolutely nothing to do with this, but I felt like throwing it in.)

Which gender is most likely to kill an ex-lover who has dumped them? “Hell hath no fury as a woman scorned ” my ass.

I say it’s time to stop just letting them label us and refuse to let them control the language. And by them I mean men.

We’re not “sluts” if we engage in sex. We’re not “bitches” if we stand up for ourselves. And we’re not “cougars” because men a few years younger are more attractive than . . . old geezers.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, February 24th, 2010 at 10:00 AM and is filed under My Pet Peeves, Re-Post. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Terri says:

    Right On Lucille! I’ve got 5 years on my husband and I have never felt like a cougar. A babysitter at times, but never a cougar. LOL

  2. Erica says:

    You go girl!!!!! Although you have to admit that cougars are quite sleek and beautiful! 😉

  3. Will says:

    I read your little blog thing and i just want to say, COUGARS are in fact a bit scary and can prove to be dangerous at times. Its hard being a 25 year old male and going places and having older women try to talk to you. I don’t mind the attractive ones but they are few and far inbetween. And given the current economical situation in this country … Read Morethey are not working or focusing on making money so they are trying to turn their attention to other activities, such as “COUGARING”.. jk i liked your blog keep getting the view of the elderly out there. old people need love too!! HAHA

  4. Buzzy says:

    …wow, willl. that was a little chilly… (being in that middle-age range, myself). what i don’t get, is i’m in the courgars’ age range, and barely attract a sniff! not never, but barely.

  5. John says:

    Well the term cougar may not be fair, however I will make my own definition. A strong woman( definitely an attractive Quality) who does not subscribe to be a slob(Wardrobe) and enjoys attention but does not need it to feel worthwhile. The reason these woman can date 18-20 something guys is not because of an agressive sexual approach but rather young men are attracted to them because there are no head games. As for myself I fall out of the age range, but had an experience with a 40 year old woman when I was 22. It was wonderful being Stalked. To this day I appreciate seeing a woman who is older that dresses well, a skirt or dress and high heels catches my attention. Although tormented by society, I believe cougars are much better since they have achived a balance between Mommy and Woman

  6. Rob says:

    Nothing wrong with cougars, as long as they are foxes as well 🙂

  7. Melissa says:

    I rather like the term “Cougar”. It connotates beauty, grace, speed, and confidence. “Cougar” is a car that many men desired as teenagers. So, it’s natural that young men would desire a “Cougar” in their youth. Remember “Summer of ’42”? “Maggie May”? Older women are honored for their contribution to the young male fantasy of the every-woman. Not like “Lolita”, where Humbert Humbert is a lech, dirty old man, geezer… Perhaps some men coined us as “Cougars” because they fear us so much!
    An Accidental Cougar

  8. Wayne says:

    Women over 40 are superior to younger women in a worldly over-view, intellect, libido, and a sense of who they really are. They understand that while guys are idiots, the guy has whatever likes or dislikes he has, and these women understand how to deal with it, rather than seeking the constant change or “re-doing” of the guy. Women over 40, well, the ones I’m referencing are far sexier for the same reason, and they tend to not need a guy as much as their past counterparts may have, or may have seemed to. They can intimidate a guy, but such a guy is too much of a jerk anyway. These women don’t tend to “cling” in the way younger and insecure women might do, and they can handle being ignored by seeming to forget the guy ever existed at all. Getting back in their “good graces” isn’t easy, and they won’t let you forget your transgressions. While many of them retain their dislike for fixing or installing gadgets, they can re-arrange a guy’s mental view of the world without him even knowing it happened. Across the board, they are smarter where it really counts in life.

    Women over 40 can out-drink guys. I’m not saying that’s a “good” thing, but they can do it.

    Women over 40 are just better, that’s all.

  9. Patrice says:

    I personally find the title “cougar” quite attractive! For me it means sexy, strong, aggressive, and attracted to men who equal her physically. I like younger men….a LOT! lol
    My mind is still thinking I’m in my early 30’s. The men I’ve met who are in my age group are generally “old”…not at all what I want to spend my time with….bring on the young blood….a cougar is waiting!!!!!!!!!!!

  10. W.A. says:

    Lue!!! take it easy. you guys are the ones holding the prize. I’m not saying go back to Ozzie and Harriet. but isn’t there something to said about children being raised by mom rather than nurseries, day care and surrogates? what happened to the family? oh, that’s right… mom has to work! not!!!

  11. Lisa says:

    What I don’t read as much about is the fact that it is often the younger men that are pursuing the older women. Having dated men anywhere from 5-20 years younger, I hear a consistent theme…”you don’t play games, your biological clock isn’t ticking, you aren’t on a quest to make me your boyfriend/husband, you are intelligent and confident and it’s refreshing compared with the women in their 20s/30s I often meet.” Younger women can learn something from the cougar-phenomenon. It’s actually pretty interesting when you get the man’s perspective.

  12. Stefan Pinto says:

    Did you know, the dictionary defines a “cougar” as a wild cat?

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