Spank You for Nothing
Back in prehistoric times (and by that I mean the 60s), wearing stockings meant one of two things: you either were slutty and wore a garter belt, or you were a “lady” and wore a girdle. There was no other choice. And, if you were in high school, it was definitely the girdle.
Yes. Fourteen year old girls were wearing girdles daily. Because heaven forbid we should be comfortable. And because we all knew girls who wore garter belts were easy. Or at least that’s what our mothers told us.
Back then, a teen wasn’t wearing a girdle for its slimming value. But, wear them we did, simply to keep up our stockings.
Then, fast forward to 2017. Stockings – panty hose – are now déclassé because some hot weather trend-setting Californians convinced even New Englanders to go bare legged, even in winter. [Remember when ’80s “Dress for Success” frowned upon stockingless legs, even in the dog days of August? Sigh.]
But, unfortunately, girdles are back. Bigly. Except now we call them shapewear or slimming intimates or body shapers or compression lingerie – and every woman alive has some in her lingerie drawer. And you know who else has them? Middle school girls. Really.
With the advent of pantyhose, obviously, no one is using tight fitting undergarments to hold up their stockings (as if they’d even wear stockings). No. Ninety-five pound pre-teens are now so weight obsessed that a girdle – and, yes, Spanx are girdles – is a wardrobe essential for the discerning 11-year old. Because heaven forbid they wait until they’re 14 to be pathologically body conscious. So what if they get bladder infections, gastrointestinal problems and nerve damage?
What exactly are those lycra body shapers – foundation garments – compression lingerie – elastic torture systems meant to hold in on an 11-year old? Tummies and muffin tops. And for whom? Boys, of course. And it’s not the only disturbing trend among these kids to delight/satisfy/stimulate/excite the opposite sex. They also are encouraged by boys to participate in:
- Pubic waxing (Hair down there? Gross!)
- Fellatio (Come on; it’s not sex!)
- Vodka eyeballing (Get drunk with no alcohol on your breath!)
Yes, there are plenty of stupid or scary things your daughter/granddaughter/niece could be doing.
But, heck, it could make them popular.
Tags: foundation, girdles, girls, lingerie, middle school, pantyhose, pre teens, shapewear, Spanx, stockings, teens, weight obsessed
