We’re all heard how opposites attract. Positive to negative. Extroverted to introverted. Quiet to boisterous. But what you eventually discover as a woman over 40 - maybe the hard way – is that there is a reason oil and vinegar don’t mix.
Why is it that when we were 15 or 19 or 23 we were inextricably drawn to guys who were our polar opposites? The outgoing, extroverted cheerleader who dated the withdrawn, moody bad boy? You know; the one you found yourself screaming at (after 10 years of marriage) “Why can’t you ever just talk to me????”
Or the quite, shy mouse of a girl who was so thrilled to be dating the class clown . . . who wishes now that he could simply sit down, shut up and watch some TV instead of having to be the center of everything. Or even the girly girl who dated the jock. Now it’s Could we just spend one night not watching some freaking sports event on TV?
One of the great things about getting older is that all of a sudden, you like people who are like you. Who like the same things. Who have the same values.
There is a good reason that happens. At least, I have my own hypothesis. When you’re an adolescent or young adult, you feel that almost anyone who is different is better. If you’re Catholic, that Jewish boy seems so exotic and cool. If you’re a goody two shoes, that bad boy juvenile delinquent is oh so seductive. Why? You were drawn to someone different because you didn’t really like yourself that much. Even if you were pretty or popular or had the best wardrobe, you probably had serious doubts about yourself. We all did. So, different = good. Or so we thought.
Fast forward to your 40s or beyond. Love to talk? So does he! Love to watch TV? So does he! Want 3 dogs and 2 cats? So does he! You might be pickier, but at least you know what you like when you see it. You like you.
When we finally get to that point (and, hopefully you’re there now), we start to like people like us. Believe it or not, even control freaks prefer being with each other.