Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.

Only the Lonely

College. In my dorm room. Alone. Lonely. Miserable.

High school. Saturday night. At the side of the dance floor. Lonely.

The crowded disco. No one asking me to dance. Lonely.

Today. In my kitchen. Alone. Happy.

What’s the difference between being alone and being lonely? Why are some people lonely even when they’re not alone? Sometimes I think the more you need to be with people, the lonelier you are. When I got my first apartment, it was hard at first, coming from a family of 8, to be so alone. But, on the other hand, it was mighty nice to do whatever the hell I wanted to do. No one banging on the bathroom door. No one borrowing my clothes (I still miss that shirt Camille lent to Nancy Humphries. . .). And all the time in the world to myself.

I stopped being lonely. I loved it. And now, being married, I think that is the key to a successful marriage (along with regular, passionate fights and separate bank accounts). Having alone time, that is. Now, Gary and I spend lots of time together. On vacations, we’re basically inseparable. We even join each other to simply go to the grocery store on occasion. But, boy do I love my alone time!

For the first 20 or so years we were together, Gary worked as a professional musician. To the unschooled, that meant weekends all by myself. Friday nights. Saturday nights. Sometimes even all day, all weekend. A real bummer on your social lives. But those great big chunks of me time started to grow on me. Hang out with my sister all day Saturday? Sure! Sit and watch TV and eat bonbons all night long? You got it! Hot glue padded fabric on every 3 ring binder I ever owned? Why not!

Yes, it took some getting used to, but once I got in the swing, there was no turning back. Until Gary decided to curtail, then stop his regular gig. Do you know what that meant? It meant I couldn’t watch 4 solid hours of HGTV on a Friday night. It meant reining in my funtime beauty regimen – mud pack, pedicure, waxing and so on. And it meant getting him a hobby or something that got me back my me time.

Or getting him into What Not To Wear.

As if.

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This entry was posted on Monday, February 7th, 2011 at 7:53 PM and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Judy Herring says:

    There is a huge difference between “being alone” and “being lonely”. What makes these two terms different comes down to how one feels about themselves and how secure or insecure they are about themselves.When I was in my 20′s, and married, I had a lot of time to myself because like you Lucille, I was married to a musician. Dave worked at a bank during the week and played in a band on the weekends. I enjoyed my time alone because it gave me a chance to do what I wanted to do. Shop, watch my favorite programs, visit with my friends – whatever. I was comfortable. I think part of that is because I was in sales and spent a good part of each day by myself traveling to appoinments, working etc..I learned to make the most of my time. Now…in my 50′s and married to Randy who works during the week and home on the weekends, I still seek time alone! I was a single parent for ten years before remarrying and spent a lot of time alone, but I was never lonely. I need my alone time because it is peaceful and it gives me a chance to think. Now, I love my husband and we do many things together. What is interesting to me is he doesn’t need the alone time like I do. He really likes to be with me – imagine that!!! It took awhile for him to understand that it wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with him all the time, I just needed to be with me sometimes. He now jokes “Oh is this Judy time!!!” – YES, it is.

  2. Marie says:

    Being alone I don’t mind, however feeling lonely I hate and I just don’t know how to date after 18yrs of marriage so I imagine I will probably be alone from now on. Thank God for my daughters at least I have them.

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