Beyond Babedom

We're (way) over 40. Deal with it.

Men and Signals

They don’t use them; they don’t give them. Really; how hard is it to flick that little lever on the right side of your steering wheel? But, noooooo. Men have this attitude that they only have to use turn signals when they feel like it.   Because everyone else should  anticipate their moves. And I don’t mean just where they’re heading – physically.

Who among us has not been in a relationship where the guy is telling us all the things we’re going to be doing together – only to find out he really has other plans. Plans that don’t include us. Are we blind or am I right about their aversion to signaling?  Whether it’s when they’re driving or when they’re driving our relationships, it’s impossible to understand where they are heading.

He needs to make a quick exit? Cut ‘em off. Want to change directions? No warning required. Do you think they care if they cause a pile up? No – they either don’t care or they don’t think. But does it really matter why? All we know is that we’re the ones who are called in to do the triage. At least when it comes to the dearth of signals in relationships. Every woman over 40 has gotten at least a dozen calls from friends in distress, reeling from a totaled relationship, needing first aid or major emotional surgery.

So, why do they do it? Are they simply unaware of the damage they wreak? Are they oblivious to the wake they leave behind their thoughtless navigation through life? Did my first adult (read: lost virginity) relationship have to end with a slammed break and a sharp left?

Whatever their reasons – fear of failure, desire to be in control, genetic weakness – we’ve learned to anticipate, to avoid, to expect.

And, to wear our seat belts. Hold on, ladies, it’s gonna be a rough ride.

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, June 1st, 2011 at 10:30 AM and is filed under Relationships. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

  1. Tony says:

    I will have to say that I was guilty of this in my younger days. Even worse, I was not “slick” about it, I was a little insensitive. Now, that i’m a bit more mature AND have 3 daughters!! I despise hearing these tales of ‘woman conquiering” from the guy who sits next to me; almost can’t bear it and often want to stop him mid-sentence to “correct” his line of thinking. He’s 35 and acts very similar to me when I was 20.

    In contrast to interpersonal communications though, I ALWAYS use my turn signals…. ALWAYS!

  2. kevin lehman says:

    I always ask this question when found in a similiar situation. Didn’t that car come with turn signals? Whether it is driving or in a relationship, these things happen because of the me first attitude. It’s all about, me first . The self centered individual is the quilty party and that can be true of either sex.

  3. Allegra says:

    WOW, Lucille, this just happened to me — again! Here I am in Baghdad, finally found a nice American guy, he’s like, “we’re gonna do this and we’re gonna do that” and then — boom! He slams on the brakes and says it’s too “sudden.” Sudden? Like where was he the last two months??!!

    Thanks for posting this, and next time I’ll stick with Iraqi guys, who always ask me to marry them by the 3rd date (kinda like Vinny, LOL!)…

  4. chris munson says:

    My wife and I drive a 100 mile round trip three times a week to take care of my granddaughter, Genevieve, and most of it is on expressways, Over the past year, it is fair to say we have experienced the dilemma you describe, but find the offenders to be evenly divided between the sexes. This behavior, irritating as it may be, however cannot hold a candle to the suicidal behavior of those drivers who we see texting, while trying to steer a car presumably with their knees, or the females who apply eye makeup, and style their hair in the rear view mirror while trying to get where they’re going at 65 miles per hour. Men and women are equally infected with that unreasonable sense of invulnerability and lack of consideration for others when they isolate themselves within into that metal box hurtling through the barriers of time and space that in past ages forced a sense of the need for accomodation of others, but now reenforces the false sense of mastery of their physical and social environments.

  5. DJC says:

    Then there’s the short-cut…no signal to a turn or indication of change of direction. Monday mornings, Exit 117 thru to the Driscoll Bridge. Local stopped. Express going 70- me included. The new short-cut is to drive through the small breaks of the guardrail-just pull out in front of me and expect me to swerve around. There are 4 opportunities for this maneuver and all four men thought nothing of it!

  6. Judy Herring says:

    In addition to the lack of turn signals – there are the people (mostly men) who will turn onto the road right in front of you when there are no cars behind you – THEN it takes about a mile before their car picks up in speed to get to where you were going, meanwhile our car has applied the breaks and even delivered a screach or two!! I think these lack of respect driving traits have to do with “I can do whatever I want to do – even on the road.” UGH!!!!

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