This is a special guest column by Christine of The Christine Show. Visit her blog at www.theChristineShow.com
I have a theory about coffee. If you make it, and you make it well, I will drink it. And I will probably drink more than just one cup. I average 7 (yes … 7) cups of coffee a day. Drinking any less brings on a caffeine headache that nothing but, well, caffeine can cure. So it’s best that I just stick to the bean and skip the useless headache meds that do nothing.
And I can’t help but notice what’s made the news recently … Bikini Baristas. Um. Okay. That’s great for the guys. Good for them that now they have something to stare at while they’re waiting for their hot whipped latte. Give ‘em some boobies with their cup of joe, and they’ll be good for the rest of the day. The guys who are true, die-hard coffee drinkers will end up wired out of their minds, because they’ll be going back for each shift change at the coffee shop, just to see who’s coming up next.
The guys who don’t drink coffee, but just want to go for the show, will still end up spending money. Paying $4 for a coffee that they’ll end up throwing away is a small price to pay for imagining themselves playing ‘motor boat’ with Heather, or imagining bikini-clad Gretchen serving them coffee at the office.
But what about us gals? What do we get? I don’t think my day would have the same jump start if I had to avert my eyes from Ashley’s rack while clumsily fumbling for the coffee she placed on the counter in front of me. It would just result in me tipping the cup over, and her leaning onto the counter to help clean it up. Not a good visual. And who needs the jealousy? Like I need to be reminded of how I looked in my prime. Hey, bitch, give birth to two kids and get through two divorces and work two jobs to make up for the lack of child support. Then we’ll see how the girls hold up.
How about some Beefcake Baristas for the ladies? Shirtless, ripped, 6-pack abs, tight-and-low-riding-jean-wearing Beefcakes. Beefcakes who smell like a combination of Giorgio Armani’s Acqua Di Gio and 100% Columbian roast. A little eye candy for the ladies. Some boy-toys that we can fantasize about. Stimulate our senses. Why should only men be given a thrill when grabbing a cup to-go?
Everyone knows it’s the women who control the purse strings in a relationship. Give us a reason to blush a little in the mornings, and we’ll make sure the men have plenty of dollar bills to throw at Ashley, Heather, and Gretchen. Hey guys – go ahead and look! Burn the image of scantily-clad women in your brain. Whatever it takes to keep you away from us when we’re trying to get a good night’s sleep and start our dream-weaving. Ladies … am I right?